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Little Paya

19 March 2017

Happy Sunday!
This article was inspired from movie that I watched yesterday. It's about 28 years old girl that waiting for her boyfriend to marry her after their 10 years relationship.But, it's not turn out like she wanted.Her boyfriend not feel the same anymore and have different opinion about getting married even though they been together for 10 years.The moral of story that I learned is never lose yourself no matter what, no matter how deeply and madly you fall in love with somebody.This story make me think of little me.

Little girl (Paya)
Let's be honest here, I been that girl before. When I'm in my early 20s( I think when I'm 22 years old), I was in love with the one man that I thought going to be my forever. I lost my focus sometime. I set my mindset, I want to get married with this man and I need to be a good girlfriend so we will definitely end up  with him someday.But, after we have long distance relationship after we graduated from university.I started to figure out what I wanted to do in my precious life. I began to dream for myself. I'm not dreaming to get married only, there's so much thing I can do on my own and without anybody help. I capable to do anything and I can achieve my dreams too.It's was hard for the relationship, so we not end up together. We choose to go on our separate ways. Nothing hard feeling on that anymore, I'm totally fine and take it as a lessons for me.
I'm not blaming my love life ruined the little me,but just admit that it's ruined my determination to be smart, strong and independent girl.Then, it's me the one that choose to be distracted.But,despite that, I secretly proud of little me because of her;
1) Determination
I love my determination to go after I wanted. I don't really know where I am headed and what should I do with this.I just go for it!
2) Brave heart
I always admired little me brave heart. I am from kampung girl, don't know how to speak in English and Malay ( Malaya accent) but still that brave heart drive me crazy.
3) Dream big
Since I discovered that, my life is bigger than staying in the kampung, my life is bigger than just get married,having kids but I can dream more than that.I deserved to dream big.
4) Work hard
No dreams can became true without working hard toward it. I admit that I'm not really smart but all I have is work hard attitude.
5) Happy go lucky
Since I always away from my family, the only thing that makes me feel better was be happy go lucky person. There's countless time I cried on my bedroom or even bathroom because I missed my family and the situations getting harder but this attitude really help me to go through everything.

Big girl Paya(Aya)

This is the latest version of me.I have a lot of thing to proud of as well( yes, I'm "angkut bakul" sendiri now) but after so many obstacles and challenges happened in my life, I was shaped to be someone that;
1) Appreciative heart
For me, I really appreciate whatever people do for me. Even it's small things or even big thing, I always thankful. I have learned that, be appreciative because you don't know how big that efforts.
2) Faithful
I can say that, my little me was lack of this. I don't really have faithful heart. I always 'angry' and impatient with God's plan in my life.But, as I get older, I trying my best to always have a faithful heart in any situations.
3) Stronger
I will laughed at myself(little me) for crying so much over something that I lost in my life. I don't make fun of her but I just can't stopped to laughed at myself for being such a weak girl.But, that's situation make me stronger.
4) Braver
I always wanted this braver heart will always stay and remain in my heart no matter how old I will get or no matter what my status will be or no matter with person I will be. I still have this braver heart to go through this life.
5) Always look at positive side
I'm really trying my best to the girl that always look at positive side in this life. Life can be so negative but I choose to look at positive side.

I always feel grateful for my little me. Without her determination,brave heart,dream big and work hard, I won't be in this time of my life. She worked so hard and really did her best. When I talked like this I sound like crazy,right? The only reason I looked back in my life is I missed the little me, little Paya. She really did her best for the older me now. She was lonely sometime but she never wanted to let that loneliness make her dreams go away.She always choose her dreams over anything. I like the little me and I even more like the current me.
Life is moving so I can't always go visited the old side or little me. I need to move on with the spirit that little me always have in her. I will always bring that her determination,brave and dream big mindset. I will never ever let myself down and I will do my best in everything.
When I wrote this article, I was crying while I'm typing every words. Suddenly my mind transported to the time of little me. 
I was so determined to be better for myself and my family. I was so brave to come to different side of my world to get a better life. And, I was dream big for the life I wanted. The current me is not shaped yesterday. It was from my little me mistakes and her willingness to learn and improved.Looking back, she was so innocent and eager to learn.She always amazed with everything ( even until now). She always fun and always try her best to be funny so everyone can laugh and have a good time. Next year, I will be 30 years old. I don't know what my little me will say if she can talk to me.
#keriitleto, always remember what's your focus when the first time you ever know the world.
Some people will come to your life to direct you to your life line and some of people come just to distract you from your journey.
After all, this journey of life will never be this wonderful without my family's prayers, encourage words from friends, broken hearted time that make me better girl and can stand on my own.But, never ever I forget that, I will never be in this stage of life without our wonderful God.He is the one that capable make everything that impossible become possible.
Thank you for reading my super long post.
I hope it's inspired you guys in your life and do better than me.
Above all, never forget that our God is bigger than anything in this world.

Love,
Aya
B.B.Bangi,Malaysia.

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