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The day I feel totally failed in my life

08 September 2017

It's Friday and I do not feel happy at all.
It's such a terrible day for me.
Have you ever feel so failed in your life? I feel like everything is messed up now and it seems like there's no way out. I believe in God but I'm human too.Sometimes I lose my faith, feel worries about what tomorrow will bring and I forgot the scripture that I memorized during my Sunday school. Life is getting so hard.I'm not usually like this but the times have come again, I feel totally failed.I cried a lot inside our car on my way back from work. I feel terrible and look down on myself.

I feel failed in so many aspects of my life.
I feel failed in my career.
I've been working on the same field about 6 years+ now. The work is great and I love it!But, there's time I feel like "what am I doing with my life?", comparing myself to people that I don't even know well. Secretly feel like wow, they do a great job and they having a good career. I love my job but sometimes, I'm taking it for granted, I didn't do my very best every single day, just like today and some other days, my improvements level, creativity was declined and so many thing that I'm struggling with. For this moment, I'm thankful for this good job that I have.But, soon or later, I need to move on even if I don't like it. I am not a tree. I don't know when but that time definitely comes.This is how the life going on.Everything keeps changing, nothing is permanent.So, what am I doing to stay relevant? Do improvements, learn every day and passionate about what I'm doing.

I failed in my finance management.
I'm terrible at money management. I'm coming from a family background that doesn't really have knowledge about money.I don't blame my family for my failure on this.What we know is we have enough for the day, we able to eat but as we grow up, I feel like the tensions of getting more money to support each of my sibling's educations is harder. I saw my mum crying one day, I guess because of money.We don't have enough.That's why whenever I have a problem with money, I feel totally failed and I feel like there's no change on this in my family. I want to provide a good life for my family, I don't want to have the same old life, but it's not easy as I thought.I'm still learning, keep learning and remind myself, I can do it and this will get better. If you ever have financial management issue like me, don't worry, we can get through this.Everything will be okay.Just admit whatever you feel wrong in your money management and learn the lessons and knowledge about money.It's not too late but start it.

I feel failed in my dreams.
I used to be someone that so passionate about my dreams. I know what I want and what should I do about that.One of my big dreams is being a profesional wedding photographer, get featured in a magazine for what I'm doing especially about fashion and photography. I aimed for that.But, lately, I feel like, that dreams are too big. I feel I can't achieve it and also, I stop doing it because I'm growing bigger, I don't think I can work it out.What a small mind I have, right?
I should start or reboot on my dreams again. I need to start to pick up my camera and do my own photo shoot again. I will do it better this time, being honest with myself and do it better than ever.

I failed in my spiritual/faith in God.
I used to be someone that so positive about what the future hold but today, I feel so negative and feel down on myself.I know God is in control.But, believe it or not, I secretly having doubt of my faith in God.I'm being really honest here because I'm not a perfect person that strong every day but I'm just a girl that trying her harder to be stronger every day and lets herself know that, everything will be okay. I may lose my faith sometimes but I want to keep believing in God.

I totally failed on my family
I feel totally failed when I see people bring their parent went for a holiday and I'm not! I feel such a failed for this. I know, my parents deserved all that because they were working so hard for me to achieve or make my dreams come true.I'm being selfish.I make my dream come true first then give them what they deserve.
I feel bad every day for not giving them a good life.

It's so hard for me to share this post actually because it shows how much I failed.Nobody wants to show their failure in their life.But, I choose to post it because I want to make sure every one of you that read this post will feel encouraged about life.Life is definitely not easy every day, there's a day you will feel such a fail, just like I did today. I'm grateful I'm having my sister that always remind me about this is temporary and God is in control. Thank you sister, I love you.
I hope this post is useful for you and make(include me) you feel strong again.We can do it!
Before I leave you on this post, I would like to share some encourage scripture from Bible.

Matius 6:34 (TB) 

Sebab itu janganlah kamu kuatir akan hari besok, karena hari besok mempunyai kesusahannya sendiri. Kesusahan sehari cukuplah untuk sehari.”

1 Petrus 5:7 (TB)

Serahkanlah segala kekuatiranmu kepada-Nya, sebab Ia yang memelihara kamu.

Filipi 4:6 (TB)

Janganlah hendaknya kamu kuatir tentang apa pun juga, tetapi nyatakanlah dalam segala hal keinginanmu kepada Allah dalam doa dan permohonan dengan ucapan syukur.

Filipi 4:19 (TB)

Allahku akan memenuhi segala keperluanmu menurut kekayaan dan kemuliaan-Nya dalam Kristus Yesus.

Filipi 4:13 (TB)

Segala perkara dapat kutanggung di dalam Dia yang memberi kekuatan kepadaku.

Love,
Aya from keriitleto.com

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