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20 things I've learned in our first year of relationship

18 October 2017

Hi there~
Thanks for visiting my blog again even though I always MIA now. 
I was caught up in the busyness of life. I did less what I love and I become unhappy. I know, it's my choice to do what I want in my life but I don’t know why I just can do that, it’s weird. I think I was lost myself.I become like a lalang, go there and here. It worried me but I just can’t help to be like this. Especially when I’m in a relationship, I scared I lost myself and try to be what people want me to be, not what I want. I must be myself. I've read one book, its tell that there are two resources of love which is first one is God and second is yourself. Before I can love anyone in this world, I need to know to love God and myself better. After praying so hard for three years to be exact, God has answered my prayers, He sent me my best-friend, MM in my life.And, the journey is not easy so far.
So, here is 20 things I've learned in our first year of the relationship.




1. LOVE IS SWEET BUT NOT EVERY DAY.
Love is sweet but not every day. Each of us has their own flaws and different characters. So, I can't expect my partner will be same like me or agree with me all the time. There's will be a day we will feel annoyed with each other or can't stand of each other weakness or behavior, this is the reality of a relationship. What's most important is when the love is not sweet, remember the day you decide to love each other and why you love at first place and don't forget the good thing you guys been do together.

2. COMMUNICATE BETTER WITH EACH OTHER
In every relationship in this life, communication is the most important. And, sometimes I failed to do this in our relationship, I expect he can read my mind but he just a human, just like me, not a superman that can read my mind and do anything everything that I wanted. If there's an issue, talked about it even though it's hard, don't avoid because if you avoid it, you can't solve the issue. Every problem has their solution so just communicate better about anything. I'm not perfect at this but time to time, I willing to learn to be better and sometimes I failed but I will never give up! because I don't want this will ruin our relationship.

3. LOVE IS GIVING, NOT JUST TAKE
The hardest thing I need to accept, especially when the time I feel like not giving. We both not perfect and there's time we need to help each other in each other need and dreams. To be really honest, this is the hardest thing I have learned in my relationship. As the days go by, I keep reminding myself, love is giving, not just take.

4. LOVE & RESPECT EACH OTHER AND FAMILY.
 If you love someone, respect him for who he/she is. Everyone has their flaws and I can't expect for a perfect partner as I'm not perfect as well. No matter what's his/her goal in life, respect and support each other.I didnt meet his family officially yet but I want to remind  myself to always respect people no matter what they are for me.

5. LOVE IS NOT JUST FEELING, IT'S IMPORTANT COMMITMENT
A feeling can be fade one day. Love is not just feeling but it's a life commitment. I supposed to know about this earlier but I just don't know. I thought it's just a feeling, just to feel good and happy all the time.If you know, love is commitment then you know, how important is this feeling.

6. "COUPLE" MENTOR IS MUST
Being in a relationship is very challenging. It's not just emotionally challenging, it's physically challenging. It's nature of human you'll be attracted to each other physically as we are just human being. When we decided to ask our local Pastor to be our "couple" mentor, at first I was, what?! so early? is it necessary? But, it's not too early for this one. Let's find someone that can guide for the relationship so it will go in the right direction.

7. DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING
I don't expect my boyfriend will be like Korean drama hero that suddenly appear whenever I think of him, someone that gives me anything that I like, or someone that always listen to me... I don't need that. I need someone that responds to me, argue and make me a headache because that's how my mind will work, not in comfort zone. I know, my criteria of man is different than when I lot younger. Now, I just want real people, not someone that always say yes to my not so good decisions and I don't need someone that always say sweet words, I need someone that can say positive words to me when everything is upside and downs.

8. ENCOURAGE & SUPPORTIVE 
I love photography and my boyfriend loves music. It's a different kind of things. Sometimes, I don't really understand his hobbies and some time, I feel he doesn't understand what I love to do. We still tried our best to understand this. That's why we together so we can support and encourage each other during the bad/down times or whatever situations we are in. We need someone to be there for us every event in this life. We can't live just by ourselves.It's easy to say the word but to put in action, its hardest but never give up.

9. DISCUSS EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY MONEY AND IMPORTANT DECISIONS.
Money is the hardest thing to talk about in a relationship. We are not married yet but this one, we need to learn to talk, be transparent about it. But, as time goes by I learned that the money I have is not mine, it's God. I'm just manager of His money and I want to be a good manager. So, the key here is discussed whenever the need to make any purchase or anything, it's important.

10. NO MORE SELFISH AND SELF-CENTRED
I'm a selfish person that I ever know. I'm selfish for some reasons, one has I thought this life is all about me, I work hard for it so it's mine. But, when coming to your partner, ermmm. I need to learn more about less selfish and self-centered.

11. PRAY ABOUT MARRIAGE
Everyone wants to get married someday, right?
While we are in the stage of dating, pray about marriage. Take seriously about it. No more play around about feeling anymore. I feel tired of that.

12. LISTEN TO OLDER PEOPLE ADVICE
I'm traditional kind of person, I always need older people advice, like my sisters, my mum about any decisions I made in my life. Same goes for my marriage, I still listen to them and ask their opinion about my partner.

13.ACCEPT EACH OTHER PAST
The hardest level of this one is maximum. Everyone is so hard to accept each past but everyone makes mistakes or do something wrong before and they deserved a second chance in their life.So, let's accept each other past and be honest about it. It's not easy as you think but this the best we can do to move forward.Im not perfect so theres time I feel hurt by the past.

14. LOVE REQUIRES ACTION
You can say the 3 words every day but without action, that words just the words. Put your love in action, guys, come on! Love is not just say I love you but say the positive words when everything is feel messed up or feel bad about life.

15. COMMITTED TO CHRIST
I believe in "Love triangle" when comes to commit the relationship to Christ. What I mean about love triangle is both guy and women need to closer(love) to God in order to get closer to each other.Can you get it?

16. BE EACH OTHER BEST FRIEND
I don't need someone that say sweet words every day but I need a best friend that always with me during my highs and lows, listen to my ridiculous life and give me encouraging words to go forward. Dream the impossible dreams and do impossible or crazy things in this life. I want my best friend that loves me more than a friend but he is my best friend. The hardest one I know.

17. SOMETIME YOU NEED TO SACRIFICE YOUR NEED
When you just by yourself, you can do whatever you want but when you have a partner already, you have other people to consider in your mind. Sometimes, it's not going that well and sometimes you need to sacrifice.

18. BE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER'S FRIENDS
Before you enter each other life, there some people in his/her life already which is her/his friends.So, don't forget your friends after you in a relationship. Your friends are important in life. Since both side have friends, so why not say hi to each other and become friends..at least!

19. ALWAYS FIND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
At the beginning of the relationship, we always wanted to see each other EVERY DAY! Super duper in love...haha.But, as times goes by, we came to the reality that we have other commitments as well. For example, our job, family, friends, ministry and most important one are ME time.Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my own schedule after work. I become busier than ever after work but I don't make that one to be the reason for us to spend quality time together. Usually, we will go for eating out, we both love that.

20. REMEMBER WHAT IMPORTANT FOR HIM/SHE
I don't say remember everything, remember what's important. For example, birthday date, anniversary and whatever important for him/she.Err...including his car.


There are so many lessons I've learned during this relationship. It's not an easy journey so far. There's a lot of challenges and I've tried my best to learn that, listen and communicate well with my partner. It's not perfect now but we want to get better every day.
My advice for young people out there or you the one that read this,
don't find love before you can find yourself.
Being in a relationship is not good as you can think or imagined. It's need hard work and never give up spirit. I don't mean to scare or make you feel discouraged but first, you need to know to love God and yourself before you can give love to others, like your family, friend or future partner.Don't go in the relationship because you need someone to love you, nobody can love you fully other than God and yourself.

I don't know what my future or our future will look like, but I surrender eeverything in God's hand. If we meant to be, we will be together when the right time come. Keep us in your prayers.


Happy monthsary my dear, my bestfriend.


Thanks for reading my blog and hope to see you here again. I will post an interesting article every day from now on.

Love,
Aya 



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