The day I feel heartbreak and cengeng


I thought I will never feel this feeling again.
But, this time I feel it not because of boys/man but my mum.
After almost one month, my mum decided to go back to our hometown after taking care of me.
I never thought I will feel such a heartbreak. I want my mum to stay with us since my maternity leave left 1 month. But, she wanted to go back because no one really takes care of my dad. Here, I learned bahagiamu, deritaku.
I am too scared to stay alone with my baby. You may say I'm ridiculous and what kind of mum I am. You can say whatever you want. All I want is I want my mum here.
After my mum left, I cried so hard and I don't even have the mood to see my baby but need to take care of him while I'm crying. When I looked at my baby's face, I found my strength. Someone needs me the most, I cannot be cengeng2! 
It's not an overnight or immediate process, I'm really trying to pick up my energy and be stronger. Not to forget, my niece also go back for good. It makes it become double heartbreak for me. I feel so sad when I knew she will go back for good. Usually, I will respect the decision but this time, I feel tak rela. I just don't know why. I guess I become so sensitive after I gave birth. I just don't like it.
I am a stronger woman and I can do all thing in Christ!
Why I said this is my second heartbreak?
I hate being left when I need the most. I feel the hole in my heart and I just can't accept it. But, I am a big girl, don't cry!
As I write this post, its been 4 days since my mum and niece going back to Sarawak. I still missed them  A LOT! But, life must go on and I need to be stronger than yesterday.
To all women out there,
no matter what your relationship with your mum before, you will need her the most after you gave birth, trust me!
So, appreciate your mum!
Just an update, I feel a bit better now.
Thanks to friends and family that give me encouragement. Love you all.

Love,
Aya

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