Last weekend we finally bring our son to shopping mall.
I always wanted to bring him but my husband always hesitate because our son didn't wear mask( he is less than 2 years) and I also don't want to risk anything.
Usually they will wait me in the car and I will always rushingly buy things.
This time, I want my husband and son to come because I want my husband help to choose our comforter style ( I've been dreaming to buy this with my husband) and I also wanted to buy toys for my son and I want him to experience the shopping for toys.
Then, what happened is SO TIRING! Our son keep running here and there, oh God! hahaa
As for the toys shopping, he seems wanted everything but he don't know yet.

I wanted to buy this for him but its exceed my budget so tahan dulu

My husband wanted to buy this for our son, hopefully he will buy this so our son can play drum

He seems wanted this but he already had this at home

He wanted to go plan there hahaa

He come here 

With daddy

After we arrived home, take bath and he wanted to play with his new toys haha x sabarrr

I bought popcorn because I'm craving for it and look what my son do to the popcorn haha

The victims to clean up is my husband hahahaa

This month, he always don't want to wear his clothes. It's not hot but he seems comfortable without clothes.

Playing with his second toys we bought for him

I am so happy whenever I bought anything for my son.
I feel happiest whenever he love to play with his toys.
I try my best to give the best for him.

Our son first time visit shopping mall

24 April 2022

This is what I feel when I think back of this day last year.
Pray, Trust & Wait.

Today is my first day at work for my new job.
It's been 1 year and I am really grateful for what God has been done in my life.
I pray, trust and wait.

Hope for the best for future.

Pray Trust Wait | Happy 1 Year Anniversary

19 April 2022

I don't know why I feel like I want to share about this journey...haha

For those not yet become a mom, please bear with this topic. You can continue to read as you will learn and know something interesting today. I know, you also eventually face this when you become a mom one day.

I honestly admit that, before I became a mom, I always imagine that breastfeeding will be natural for any women. We had our breast and after we delivered our baby, the breastmilk will be produce and we can easily direct breastfeed our newborn. That's what I am thinking.

After I went for class, I know that breastfeeding is something any women need to learn and practice when the baby is here. Not everyone can do it easily.

My first try on direct breastfeeding

After I delivered our baby, we stayed at hospital for another 4 days and during this time, I tried many times to direct breastfeeding my son but I keep failed! I asked help from the nurse but I just can't do it. I feel so stress during that time.

As I read, the breastmilk won't come out easily during the early day but I just forget about that because I'm too stressful to try breastfeed my baby. I am too afraid he will be hungry.

Thinking of this situation now, I should take it easy about my breastfeeding. Be calm and not too stress about it. Everything will be fine.

Lesson learned

Study and learn about breastfeeding during pregnancy.

Be calm and not stress when the breast milk won't come out during the early day.

Exclusively pumping breast milk for my baby

After many attempts to direct breastfeeding my son, I still can't due to my nipple is flat, it will be not easy to do direct breastfeeding and really need patience. But, I can't be patience when seeing my baby hungry so I finally decided to bottle feed my son, meaning I pumped the breastmilk and put in the bottle and feed my son.

There's funny story about this experience...

The first time I pumping breastmilk, I feel so confused seeing the breastmilk look like. You can see as below;

I asked my dear friend, Maz, this is the normal one? haha

After just one day back from hospital, my son got jaundice so need to admit to the hospital so again, I can't direct breastfeed my son. At the end, I just pumping breastmilk and sent it to him at hospital everyday.

To be really honest, when I choose to bottle feed my son, I did feel I am such a bad mom but it's not actually. I am doing what the best for my son ( he can eat) and me.

My first time pumping JUST DO IT!

This is the first breastmilk I pumping

My daily breastfeeding during pantang day, bubur and dinding ( daging rusa yang dikeringkan)

My first week pumping, the breastmilk always look like this.

Sending EPM to my son at NICU Putrajaya

Another week, I got like this and the color is different now.

Lactation cookies

I even tried this but it's not work!

This one is must!

I never managed to do power pumping all the time

My gear during these days

The best lactation cookies I ever tried

Always drink more water

One fine day I got this much! This is I'm pumping at office.

Another day

This one need to eat 4 or 5 daily but I can finish this one day hahaa

Another good day

I store the EPM like this

Toward the end of my exlusively pumping, its getting smaller amount now

Another good day

I think this is my last exlusively pumping... so sikit!

Formula milk

After I back to work, in the beginning I consistently went to pumping milk but after I start to catch up with work and my workload become more so its so hard for me to go for pumping milk and I even don't have time to eat properly so it's hard for me to produce the milk. 

After just 3 - 4 months gave breastmilk to my son, I started to gave him formula milk as my breastmilk started to decreased and I no longer able to supply breastmilk to my son. During this time, I feel really bad and angry at myself. I feel like I am not doing good enough as a mom.

But, when I thinking of this now, when I gave my son formula, its not mean I am a bad mom. I need to feeding my son after all.

My advise to first time mom about breastfeeding:

1. Remember, breastfeeding is not natural, you need to learn and practice.

2. Don't really follow what others say you to do, do what the best for you.

p.s: If you can direct breastfeeding, keep doing it. That's the best.

3. Don't feel stress about breastfeeding, take it easy.

4. Consistently pumping after back to work.

5. Never skip a meal

6. Eat good food and drink


After go through this journey, one thing I can say is don't just follow what others did! 

Of course, breastfeeding is the best and I also support that. But, if you can't do it, don't push yourself too hard and make you feel stress.

If you're stress about breastfeeding then it won't work! 

So, be happy and take it easy for your baby!

My breastfeeding journey

12 April 2022

Follow Me @keriitleto.paya